Sharp moment....

I wrote this just after midnight last night. I was about to sign off for the night and I decided to check on someone on Facebook. My feed came up right away as it always does and a status update of someone that posts all the time was first in line. He is an actual real-time friend and I wanted to see what was up. What he wrote was mixed in that it was a hard memory mixed with reason to praise that wasn't were he was a year ago now. I had heard a bit of the story before, but this time it was the whole thing. It struck me hard in the space I was all day back in my own thoughts about past events. I was happy for him, but sad for me and wrote this poem trying to convey how I felt. Many hours have gone by since I wrote this and I'm feeling much better now, but here is the poem.

Footpath

Standing on the edge

My toes hanging off

I look down, further than I’ve ever been

I cough and nearly topple into the cavern

Smooth straight down

No secret holding up these walls

It is written on my face

In my eyes

On my breath

I remember each step that brought me here

To ride that slide to the edge of the envelope

I pushed and punched my way through

Stopping before the fall

Just short of breaking all

I take a deep breath in and wiggle those toes

Those hang so far into nothingness

No foothold

No branch to catch on the way down

Just straight to the bottom, Baby,

I’m still here looking before I leap

Looking for the way out

It is uphill going back

And empty going forward

I know I cannot fly

I cannot get over this chasm

I wait, looking at my feet

They are gripped to the sandy soil

So small and claw-like

Curved and clutching

I must wiggle those toes some more

To feel the blood pump

Up to my heart

Up to my brain

To find a way out

I see it now

A narrow path

To my right

I cannot see around the corner

But I will go

Wiggle once more

Say goodbye to the abyss

And find out what lies ahead