Saturday, August 15, 2015

Slow traffic and sunsets....

A few thoughts that were rattling around my head as I sat on traffic on the way home from Joni and Friends Camp in Southern Oregon. The whole experience makes me reflect on disability, faith, present, future, and always on God. How does all this fit together?
The poem I had in my head was a bit better than the one I wrote down finally when I returned home, but the bones of it are still there and reflecting what I was musing. A couple of the lines that I wanted did make it in there too. I am thankful for a place to reflect about the wonder of this journey with other families of faith that “get it”.

My Distant Playhouse
Rattling along the highway
Toward our home we live in and out of
Somewhere in the middle distance is a house
And in it is our stuff that keeps it all familiar and somewhat fun
In my rear view mirror, I am stunned
By a blaze of sunset burning bright
So intense it catches my breath at the sight
I can’t take my eyes off the brilliant colors drawing me in
To this day that was and what I never saw
Or could have been
Because before me is pure murky soup
The Pacific Northwest spitting and sputtering our day’s end
A silent close, hemmed in with fog
punctuated quietly with constant drizzle
Tires screech on the pavement
and I startle aware of the car in front
Breaking hard at the sudden slow down
Red angry brake lights
Grab my attention away from the day dream
As it often does
The scene of “what could have been” dancing picturesque
Until reality, slams on the breaks
As sound, sight, and sensations return
Telling me where I am and where I’m headed
Not for sex on a sunset beach
Oh no, my sights are set on this home
Somewhere in the middle distance
miles away through heavy traffic
I know there is a better home
At least, this is what I believe
I repeat it over and over again
Willing myself to tear my sight away
From wishes or wants
To what is and what will be
Keep driving and be faithful to the course
The slow-downs don’t matter as I will arrive
Beyond the traffic and all of it
I will melt into an even more perfect place
Falling out misshapen as I am
Out of that tight mold I’ve squeezed myself into
One day I won’t need maps or to pay such close attention
To details of doctors or behavior plans or diets or displaced dreams
Far above the low lying clouds I’ll be
And I’ll know face to face God loves me
See clearly His wonder, beauty
I’m held fast in His grace
By his side
I will have won the race
Others with me too
Like my little Boo
There we all will be ordinary people
Yet still very special with no needs at all

In our home at play