I
wrote this one tonight and thought, “Is this really how I feel about being a
Mom of a special needs child?” I don’t like the battle metaphor as I’ve come
down on that side of what I don’t like to hear in the autism world as it sends
a mixed message to our children about who they are if we have to “battle”
against autism.
My
son all night was looking up facts about the American Civil War and telling me
things. I think that seeped into my subconscious and this came out more about
how I feel about all the details I have to keep track of and try to make sense
of. This is more the war I battle as I’m not as on top of things as I wish I
was. Hence, the poem.
Mama's Special Battle
The
thrum of the space heater by my side
Constant, cozy orange glow
Working
the warmth into my mind
A
sleepy contingent of cavalry
Galloping
over hill and dale
To
the trumpeter’s tune
Of
a long forgotten war
Looming
on the horizon
Of
dawn’s dreary rise
To
a tune forlorn
In
the distance
A
call to arms
Of
an unknown enemy
That
I resent taking
What
I have left
Turning
it out
To
meet cold day
And
restless nights
The
battle drum beats
A
quick march
Pushing
me on
To
type, research, and remember
All
that has gone before
And
all that might go on
The
battle in the foreground
I
hear it going on
I
stay behind
Away
from enemy lines
Reading
my screen
Of
new techniques and therapies
I
study the map
Before
heading out the door
to another appointment
Listening
to another general
Scream
orders to the troops
I
retreat
Shutting
off my heat
To
snuggle into my bed
Raising
my sword in victory
In
my dreams
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