December 11, 2025, for Christine
Singing
the Blues for a Friend
I feel like a hollowed-out shell
Grief has scooped out what I was
Who was there is gone
That part of me that lived
The “it” that loved
Died with you
Time does not erase it
Yet it will ease
Into a soft goo
That sloshes around
All year, until the sharpness
Invades to whisper
Then shout about your absence
The softness turns to rock
Weighing me down
Into darkness
This is the normal routine
How I slide year after year
Into a growly space
At no one in particular
Except sideways at you
For leaving too soon
Especially the way you left
I am bereft because it didn’t need to be
In this sea of people, you chose me
To friend and I too chose you
You left without me
I’m still saying, “It can’t be.”
We said we were friends
You chose your end
Instead of weathering this together
I admired your strength
You made me think about others, always
You had your gracious ways
To tend to those who need a place
You gave them a space
For yourself, I knew you felt hollow
You couldn’t swallow what was happening
I said, “Lean on me.”
Maybe not enough
Is it ever that rough?
I thought you were so tough
“She’ll make it,” I said
Instead, you had to go
I didn’t know
I miss you so
And will each year
As the rock grows bigger
I’ll put on a song for you
It has to be some good blues
To wash that space inside
Cleaned out
Filled
Restored
No one should be ignored
I go on to find another friend
To be there with them
Determined for no lonely end
