*wrote these all on April 2nd,
but got them published here on blog after midnight---so April 3rd L Will try to improve that!
Today
is Worldwide Autism Awareness Day. You can see my mixed feelings here as I
tried to write into poetry how I feel about it.
The
first poem I was trying for a snapshot of a typical day with my sweet son.
Poem
number two was just a fleeting moment of irritation with my husband, but I
turned that moment on its head to make a more general statement of how I really
feel about him. (Least he think I am mad at him for any reason---not the case!)
Poem
number three was another attempt to grasp how I feel about autism as a mother
and someone that has lived in the culture for a while now. I was also trying to
distill many recent conversations with my son into one poem---not sure I succeeded,
but I did try.
A One Day Boy Cycle
Upon
waking there is a series of slams
Your
feet hitting the floor
The
bedroom door hitting the wall
A
toilet lid and seat lifted with a loathsome lurch
The
lid dropped back into position after a slight pause
The
bathroom door creaking open again
As
you linger by another door to hear your parents
breathing
for all of a few milliseconds
You
slam their door with relish
A
holler out to those you wish would wake up now
you
gallop gleefully into the living room
Where
you put up your feet
Extending
your body on a worn out couch
There
you pontificate
the
subject of the day
Where
you try to sway
Anyone
that will listen
To
the facts at hand
Are
important, life altering
Points
you must make
Or
questions until
Those
wonderful
Cows
come home
Little
moves you from
That
spot or one jot or tittle
Of
your arguments
Once
you have rounded the corner
In
your mind that
What
you are saying
Is
“the thing”
Oh,
it is,
It
is!
And
it will be until
Nightfall
turns a young man’s brain
To
his bed once more
Maybe
your thoughts
Are
not off or gone
But
lingering and winding down.
Certainly
as you lecture yourself
Long
into the night
Until
exhaustion shuts
Your
door all the way
Until
the birds sing
You
to wake
Making
this loop
As
instant replay tomorrow
“Drop
the ‘tude, Dude!”
Is
what I want to scream
I
say a polite “thanks”
And
rush on
To
be gone
Down
the rabbit hole
I
become a mole
Well
into the night
Remembering
what you said
Longing
for bed
Turning
out the light
Not
wanting to fight
I
pause,
Thanking
for real
How
I feel
About
you
I
whisper
“Forgive
me?” instead
As
I reach over our bed
Feeling
for your big beating heart
Your
steady breath
Calms
me
I
scoot closer
To
know
You
are near too
A Witness Speaks Up for Awesomeness
When
I hear someone say
“Autism
is awesome”
I
squirm away
As
much as I want to run to
I
can’t seem to get there
As
I live with someone
Who
I think is awesome
But
the autism moments
That
are rough are not
In
that category at all
For
him or me
It
is not glee
We
think of when we notice
What
makes these horrific
emotional
traffic snarls
That
burst through our lives
Clogging
up the feeling freeway
Causing
accidents that are so scary
It
isn’t as nearly as fun as the statement
“Autism
is awesome” sounds
But
autism isn’t the enemy either,
As
it is a part of the one I love so well
It
is as if he fell, and is learning to not fall so much
But
on his way of learning not to do the falling
He
has discovered how to dance and fly simultaneously
He
is filled with a sense of this new mode of moving
That
I could never do as I am not autistic
I
am just a person watching what he is doing
And
calling it dancing while flying
As
that is what I can relate it to
Even
though, it is very much its own entirely new thing
All
his
Forever
his
The
traffic jams and accidents
We
hope will come less
And
the flying dances more
As
that is the awesome in autistic
His
sweet beyond moments I witness
And
cannot touch
While
helping me soar
Though
I don’t know what is in store
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