Slow traffic and sunsets....

A few thoughts that were rattling around my head as I sat on traffic on the way home from Joni and Friends Camp in Southern Oregon. The whole experience makes me reflect on disability, faith, present, future, and always on God. How does all this fit together?

The poem I had in my head was a bit better than the one I wrote down finally when I returned home, but the bones of it are still there and reflecting what I was musing. A couple of the lines that I wanted did make it in there too. I am thankful for a place to reflect about the wonder of this journey with other families of faith that “get it”.

My Distant Playhouse

Rattling along the highway

Toward our home we live in and out of

Somewhere in the middle distance is a house

And in it is our stuff that keeps it all familiar and somewhat fun

In my rear view mirror, I am stunned

By a blaze of sunset burning bright

So intense it catches my breath at the sight

I can’t take my eyes off the brilliant colors drawing me in

To this day that was and what I never saw

Or could have been

Because before me is pure murky soup

The Pacific Northwest spitting and sputtering our day’s end

A silent close, hemmed in with fog

punctuated quietly with constant drizzle

Tires screech on the pavement

and I startle aware of the car in front

Breaking hard at the sudden slow down

Red angry brake lights

Grab my attention away from the day dream

As it often does

The scene of “what could have been” dancing picturesque

Until reality, slams on the breaks

As sound, sight, and sensations return

Telling me where I am and where I’m headed

Not for sex on a sunset beach

Oh no, my sights are set on this home

Somewhere in the middle distance

miles away through heavy traffic

I know there is a better home

At least, this is what I believe

I repeat it over and over again

Willing myself to tear my sight away

From wishes or wants

To what is and what will be

Keep driving and be faithful to the course

The slow-downs don’t matter as I will arrive

Beyond the traffic and all of it

I will melt into an even more perfect place

Falling out misshapen as I am

Out of that tight mold I’ve squeezed myself into

One day I won’t need maps or to pay such close attention

To details of doctors or behavior plans or diets or displaced dreams

Far above the low lying clouds I’ll be

And I’ll know face to face God loves me

See clearly His wonder, beauty

I’m held fast in His grace

By his side

I will have won the race

Others with me too

Like my little Boo

There we all will be ordinary people

Yet still very special with no needs at all

Living a thousand years in a day

In our home at play